2013-14 NHL jersey rankings

Thanks to the fun lockout last season, this is the second time I'm doing this list in 2013! There have been a few uniform changes for this season, mostly for the better. My initial thoughts on most teams' uniform sets are in the old article linked above, and this article focuses mainly on changes for the 2013-14 season. Let's take a looksie.

30. Chicago Blackhawks

Uniforms unchanged from last season. Still as culturally insensitive as ever, but people still gush over them because it's an Original Six team.

29. Anaheim Ducks

Uniforms unchanged from last season. Still too much black for a Southern California team and still too boring of a logo. Luckily the team has officially declared the "Webbed D" crest is the team's primary logo, and the wordmark appearing on their home sweater is only the secondary logo. Makes no difference for this season, but hopefully it's a hint that the vastly superior third jersey will replace the home uni next season. Apparently Anaheim will be wearing a throwback Mighty Ducks jersey for at least one game this year: the more eggplant we see, the better.

28. Columbus Blue Jackets

Uniforms unchanged from last season. There are only a few clubs still using the design relic of the '90s that is the "full sleeve shoulder yoke." It seems only a matter of time before the Blue Jackets' jackets get a facelift.

27. Florida Panthers

The blue third jersey (which I actually liked!) is retired. Still needs a better primary logo, and they still get deducted points for calling themselves "Florida" when they're not the only NHL club in Florida.

26. Winnipeg Jets

Uniforms unchanged from last season. Still as boring as ever. It's only a matter of time until a "throwback" third jersey based on the classic Winnipeg sweater is introduced, and it eventually becomes the primary jersey: just like what happened with the Oilers, Sabres and Islanders.

14 things I'd like to see in NHL 14

Today EA Canada gave the first hints of the next installment in their long-running hockey franchise, with the first details to be released on Monday. With that in mind, here's a list of my fourteen most-wanted features for NHL 14. The theme I keep coming back to is making it a truly global game, looking to EA's own FIFA soccer series for inspiration.

1. The Kontinental Hockey League. If EA wants to include all the best players in the world, they need to pony up the cash for the KHL license. One of my favorite things about EA's FIFA is that it includes almost every top league in the world. NHL 13 respectably includes the Swedish, Finnish, Czech, Swiss, and German hockey leagues, but at this point they can't keep denying the second-best league on the planet. Russia's Kontinental Hockey League now boasts teams in seven different countries all over Eastern Europe, with rumored future expansion even into Italy. Most of the best non-NHL players in the world play in the KHL. Why keep stalling, EA?


2. The Olympics! With the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics right around the corner, it seems there's no better time to revamp NHL's international teams. EA probably can't wrestle the rights to the Olympics from Sega, but they could at least get the rights from the International Ice Hockey Federation to use real international uniforms and real IIHF World Championships. I'd love to see international play incorporated into every mode of the game, much like it is in EA's FIFA.


3. College hockey. The Frozen Four is going on right now in Pittsburgh. Why can't I play this in videogame form? The 60-team major junior Canadian Hockey League was added in NHL 11, and it'd be nice to have the U.S. equivalent. Like in EA's college football franchise, NCAA rules would probably prohibit real player names from being used, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for college hockey in NHL.


4. The ECHL, the third tier of North American professional hockey. NHL already includes the second-tier American Hockey League, and the ECHL would complete the NHL's three-tier farm system pyramid.


5. The Slovak Extraliga, the other major European hockey league not included in NHL 13.


6. Why are my top five requests all more teams and leagues? So the game can have a deeper career system. All these league and team additions would make career modes in NHL that much more dynamic, whether in "Be a Pro" or in "Be a GM" mode. Once again, just look at how EA does it with FIFA.


7. The correct number of on-ice officials. Real-life NHL games feature two referees and two linesmen, but the NHL series has long featured... one referee. And that's it. Would it be that hard to add three more officials?


8. I'd also like to see the on-ice officials made "live" in NHL 14. In 13, the ref is a ghost that players and pucks alike can go right through uninterrupted. But in real life, sometimes the puck will inadvertently bounce off the official and change the flow of play. FIFA already does this, so why can't NHL?


9. A revamped single-player franchise mode. The focus in recent years has been on the EA Sports Hockey League and online play, but for someone who just wants to sit down and play a "campaign," NHL 13 is pretty mundane. It's really just... a series of games. And even if you lift the Stanley Cup, it's just one short mediocre cutscene followed by... another series of games.


10. A revamped standard online mode. While everyone is all about teaming up with other people and playing six-a-side matchups online, often I just want to play simple one-on-one matchups online. The only depth in NHL 13's standard online mode is a leveling system. Can't there be a bit more to it?


11. A revamped interface and menu system. It's far too wonky to get to game modes and make quick roster changes in the game.


12. Improved "NHL Moments". NHL 13 tried recreating situations where the player has to play a highlight from the real-life NHL season, but it always boils down to either "score a bunch of goals" or "don't allow any goals." It's a great idea that's been poorly executed, and it'd be nice to see more dynamic, specific situations in NHL Moments. Speaking of NHL Moments,


13. Better historic teams. Right now players can replay "historic" NHL Moments, but because there aren't really any historic teams in the game, the player will play as Wayne Gretzky with the 2013 Oilers, or Mario Lemieux with the 2013 Penguins. Can't we get historically accurate teams for these guys to play with?


14. A better soundtrack. I know I can import my own songs into the game, but it's a huge roundabout process. What we're left with is NHL's completely horrible butt-rock soundtrack every single year. And only a handful of songs. NHL 13 features 16 tracks, which get to be pretty tiresome when you hear them over and over and over and over. FIFA 13, on the other hand, features 50 songs on its soundtrack. I understand hockey isn't as popular as soccer, but can't we get a few more? And not all hockey fans are Nickelback enthusiasts. While FIFA features a wide range of musical genres, NHL has... Thousand Foot Krutch. And Shinedown. And My Darkest Days. Please, please, no more butt-rock.

If I can get at least one of these wishes fulfilled when the first details of NHL 14 are released on Monday, I'll be happy. We'll see.

2013 NHL jersey rankings

I wrote about changes in hockey jerseys this year, but I've never done a full NHL ranking of team sweaters. With a return to clean, classic looks being the new trend in jersey design, the NHL is looking better than ever 2013. This season is the most stagnant in a long time, uniform-wise, so it's the perfect opportunity to start my list. Without further ado:

30. Chicago Blackhawks

Hardcore hockey fans are always partial towards the sweaters of Original Six teams, and many folks in the hockey community point to this jersey in particular as the pinnacle of jersey aesthetics. I think it's absolutely atrocious. It's a boring sweater with no clear color scheme and an even more boring away jersey. But more importantly, it's racist. Defenders of the Blackhawks will say it's not nearly as incendiary as other Native American-named sports teams, like the Cleveland Indians and Washington Redskins. They even say it's "respectful." But how would you feel if there were a team called the Chicago Zulus, with a "respectful" cartoon tribal leader as its primary logo? In the 21st century, it's unacceptable. And unlike some other Native American-named teams, the Blackhawks have an easy way out: they could change the logo without changing the name, and "Blackhawks" could literally refer to birds rather than to an ethnic group of humans.

29. Anaheim Ducks

Chicago racism aside, this is by far the ugliest jersey in hockey and Anaheim knows it. They take every chance they can get to wear their slightly more colorful third jersey, and I wouldn't be surprised to see the third jersey become the new home jersey in a couple years. Even when I went to the Ducks home opener this year, more fans at Honda Center were wearing the third jersey than the home one. The home jersey has no personality, and the boring wordmark is too small to read from far away.
It frustrates me that all three California NHL teams feature predominantly black jerseys. Of all places to not wear black, you'd think it'd be California. The Ducks wear orange as a reference to Orange County where they play, which I'd like to see more of. And with the shoulder patch on their third jersey, they're even beginning to hint at their classic Mighty Ducks look. Perhaps it's a sign of things to come.

A Capitals Fan in Anaheim

Ducks forward Matt Beleskey punches himself in the head

I went to my first non-Washington Capitals NHL game last night. My parents live in San Diego now, so the Anaheim Ducks are the closest thing they have to a local team. Austin and I drove up Interstate 5 for their home opener against the Vancouver Canucks. What followed was a hilarious 5-0 rout by Vancouver that featured not one, but three fights.

The first thing we noticed upon reaching the Ducks' home arena of Honda Center was how classy and modern it is. The jumbotron may not be as great as Verizon Center's HD wonder in DC, but the concourses look like an upscale hotel. I was amazed to discover when Wikiing the arena afterwards that it's actually twenty years old. I also discovered its first-ever event was a Barry Manilow concert--that's a little embarrassing. Interesting that the exterior of Honda Center still retains a very teal color scheme, reminiscent of the team's days as the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim.

Speaking of the Mighty Ducks, I was a little bummed out by the lack of classic Mighty Ducks jerseys in the crowd. There were a handful, but the bulk of fans at the game were wearing their current boring black sweater. The team seems to know it's boring, since they handed out glowing orange styrofoam sticks to make the stands look more colorful. They realize that while an arena full of fans wearing a bright color looks awesome, an arena full of fans wearing black makes the place look empty. So they handed out these bright orange sticks for people to wave around to make the crowd look lively on TV. The fans were loud, but as a Caps fan, I was a little disappointed compared to crowd volume levels at Verizon Center back home. True, their team got spanked, but even when it was close in the first period, the energy level didn't quite measure up to DC.

Thoughts on the NHL 11 demo

The demo for EA Sports' upcoming NHL 11 was released to Xbox Live and the PlayStation Network yesterday. I've spent hours upon hours playing NHL 10, so I was eager to get my hands on the demo for the new one. Thoughts:

The good

• The revamped faceoff system is awesome. Tons of different options for the dot. I wonder if some of the techniques will be exploited online, though.
• Broken sticks are a lot cooler than I thought they'd be. I love that sometimes the player can go pick it up, but sometimes it just sits there on the ice for 5 minutes like in real life.

• I didn't really understand the "quick dekes" EA was touting until I actually played. It means while in NHL 10 you could only deke "left" or "right," in NHL 11 you can change stick direction mid-deke. It's invaluable on breakaways when you're trying to deke the goalie in a tight situation.
• The Hockey Ultimate Team mode is awesome, and makes for a surprisingly beefy demo. It's very similar to FIFA 10's Ultimate Team, but it's much more refined. The whole "value vs. potential" aspect and limited training slots per player make every decision even harder. I will spend forever in this mode. And unlike in FIFA, NHL's Hockey Ultimate Team comes packaged with the game when it hits stores September 7; you don't have to buy it as a separate download.
• Menus and interfaces have been partially overhauled, which I've wanted for a while now. We'll see if that carries over into every game mode.
• The new TV-style presentation is spectacular, a huge step up from last year. I especially like the subtle touches of giving little details on the scoreboard before faceoffs, things like players' faceoff percentage and teams' power play efficiency. A couple little flaws I noticed in the demo though: info on players will have a background the color of their team (i.e. Flyers players will have an orange background), and when I played as a team with yellow info backgrounds, you could barely read the small white font signifying their goals, assists, etc. Also, when I played against Team Canada in the demo, the intro sequence presented them simply as "TEAM". Hope that gets fixed.

• The Canadian Hockey League's inclusion is great for more than just the 60 extra teams you can play as. All these added prospects means that Manager Mode, Be a Pro Mode, and the new HUT mode will be much deeper than before.
• The ice surface is a huge step up from last year; it looks more worn out. Perhaps that's why there are scratches all over Mr. Toews on the box art.
• Player models, especially their faces, are upgraded from last year.
• It'll take a while to get used to the new passing control (holding RT longer for harder passes), but I imagine once I adapt to it, I won't be able to go back. No more ping-pong passing.
• The real-time physics engine means the hits look great, but I found myself pulling off massive hits far too often. I hope this is only for demo purposes, and it'll be toned down for the real game.
• The new physics also mean the game has a slower, less arcadey pace than NHL 10. At first it felt like playing in peanut butter, but after a while it feels much more realistic than its predecessor.

The bad

• Presumably, the Flyers-Blackhawks Battle for the Cup mode included in the demo is representative of the Stanley Cup Finals in NHL 11. Bummed out teams playing in the Finals still don't get the Finals patch on their jerseys, although I guess it'd be tough to generate random patches that haven't been designed yet for future Finals.
• Also sad playoff beards still haven't found their way into the game--2K Sports' inferior NHL 2K series has had them for a few years now.
• I don't like that the demo lets us see our team lifting the Cup! That would be like the end of Fallout 3 revealed in the demo. I understand it's there to get attention, but I still wish the demo ended at the end of the game. It's nifty to see the presentation of the Conn Smythe Trophy, though--I don't recall that being in NHL 10, but I may be wrong.

• There's still the issue of jersey stretching--if a player outstretches his arm, you'll see the nameplate on his sweater stretch with it.
• Judging from the sample of players available in the HUT demo, it looks like the Kontinental Hockey League and Slovak Extraliga haven't been added to the game (I'd also like to see the ECHL, but that's further down my wish list). It may be because of the huge addition of CHL teams this year. If EA can add the KHL and Slovak Extraliga, they'd have every major hockey league in the world represented in the game. Rumor has it EA is working with the NCAA to include Division 1 college teams in NHL 12. That will be awesome.
• I hope EA secures the rights to the official IIHF uniforms for national teams, so we don't have to endure another year of national teams with "generic sweater + country flag" uniforms. It'd also be nice if we can pick if we want to play in North American or international-sized rinks, regardless of what team we're playing as.
• We want to see the Winter Classic! EA Canada could even take the Ralph Wilson Stadium and Heinz Field models straight from the Madden team at EA Tiburon. There may be some copyright issues with using Wrigley Field and Fenway Park since 2K has exclusive rights to Major League Baseball video games, but I'm sure EA could find a workaround. If it were in NHL 11, though, it probably would've been announced by now. I hope it makes the cut next year.

Hockey and whiteness

All hockey fans have heard it. When you talk to a non-fan, you inevitably receive some variation of the phrase, "Hockey is a white people sport." According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 25% of Americans are minorities. Why aren't they fully represented in our favorite game?

It's a touchy subject. We could provide these non-hockey fans with rebuttals like "Jarome Iginla has been captain of the Calgary Flames for seven years, and he's black!" But they don't care. Deep down, even hockey fans know although there are currently 26 black players in the NHL, it's still an overwhelmingly white sport compared to football, baseball, basketball, or soccer.

The idea of being "white" is a complete social construct, but analyzing the definition of the word would be its own blog post altogether. For the sake of clarity, I'm calling individuals "white" if most people on the street would identify them as white. Barack Obama is just as much Caucasian as he is African American, but because of his skin color, most people would identify the President as black.

Many non-hockey fans don't take into account that most professional players are, in fact, not American. Of the 962 people who played in the NHL last season, a mere 207 (22%) were born in the United States. I know what you're thinking. "But soccer hardly has Americans either, and it's diverse as can be! Even baseball features tons of foreigners!" But what countries do these foreign hockey players come from, exactly?

Over half of NHLers hail from the Great White North. There are 520 Canadian-born players active in the NHL, comprising 54% of the league. The remaining 24% come mainly from Sweden, the Czech Republic, Finland, and Russia, with a smattering of other Europeans to round it out.

All these countries are far more "white" than the United States. Even among American hockey players, the vast majority come from New England, Michigan, and Minnesota, which have whiter demographics than the U.S. population as a whole. But this isn't a product of any sort of racism. These parts of the world have colder climates more conducive to the development of hockey, and they happen to be areas where folks of African, southeast Asian, and Latino descent don't live in great numbers.

It's not all "unfortunate coincidence." As evidenced by the Washington Capitals selling out all 41 home games in '09-'10, hockey fandom is alive and well in warmer parts of the US. When kids can't ice skate in the backyard, though, hockey requires a bit more money. In temperate climates, kids have to afford skating lessons, time at the ice rink, and much more equipment than one needs to play basketball. In warm parts of the world, families must be more affluent to support their child's hockey. Since we live in a society where the rich people tend to be white, this means more people who can afford to play hockey in the D.C. area are Caucasian, even though D.C. has a huge non-white community. Part of the reason far more NHLers are Canadian is that Canadian kids don't need as much money to just go outside and play hockey.

But as D.C. hockey fans, we're in a unique situation. I didn't grow up playing hockey. I'm not rich or Canadian. The only reason I started going to Caps games was because tickets were dirt cheap (this was before the team's popularity skyrocketed and took ticket prices with it--they even had Student Nights where you could get $15 seats and a free burrito up until a few years ago!) and I figured, "why not?" Theoretically, I had just as much of a chance of getting into hockey as a black kid from the area. So why did I get into the team, and the black kid didn't?

We had a discussion about it over at my favorite Caps blog, Japers' Rink. Associate editor Becca H writes:

"It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Kids need role models and there haven’t traditionally been many minority role models in the NHL. As adults, we know anyone is capable of playing this game and it doesn't matter what you look like. But for a kid, there's not as much to identify with. If you were a kid looking on the ice and seeing guys whose skin was a different color than yours, who would your role models be? Would you think this is a game that's inclusive and a reachable goal for you? There have always been fewer minority players in the game and that adds to the lack of popularity among minority kids. It's why, as much as we mock the commercials, those 'Hockey Is for Everyone' programs are so important--kids need to see people who look like them making it."

She makes a great point. If I'm an 8-year-old black kid watching a hockey game, not knowing anything about any of the players off the ice, I'm going to identify more with the one black guy on the team than the 20 white guys.

But then I thought of Space Jam. Many of my friends who are fellow hockey fans from non-traditional places got into it through The Mighty Ducks, but I had my own children's sports movie inspiration. I watched this Michael Jordan-Looney Tunes crossover masterpiece over and over in my youth, yearning to be an NBA star like him even though I had never encountered basketball before--at least until I realized I was slightly lacking in the skill department. But clearly I still looked up to MJ even though his skin was a different color from mine. This gives me hope that even in a sport dominated by white guys, a few more Asian and Arab kids can be inspired to lace up the skates.

I will admit hockey is still mostly a "white" sport, but the demographics of the game are changing. A record 11 Americans were selected in the first round of the 2010 NHL Entry Draft. Emerson Etem (drafted #29 by Anaheim) is not only black, he's from the non-traditional state of California! And in a triumph of the D.C. area, Jarred Tinordi (drafted #22 by Montreal) became the highest-drafted player from our neck of the woods of all time. I envision in a few decades, we'll see a National Hockey League full of players from all over the continent, of all different ethnicities and backgrounds. Hockey may never reach soccer's level of diversity, but I don't think our grandchildren will get teased for loving a "white people sport."

Philadelphia: Enjoying a city despite its sports fans

Living with a Philadelphian roommate for two years, I was prepared to be hit over the head with the City of Brotherly Love when I visited this weekend. An entire wardrobe's worth of Phillies t-shirts, a constant fawning over cheesesteaks, and a hockey team known more for brutish thuggery than graceful finesse. But I always assumed much of this hometown patriotism was because my roomie was living away from home, and distance makes the heart grow fonder. That's not the case. After spending time exploring Philly, its people are perhaps the most patriotic of any city I've ever been to.

I would spend this time talking about the historic neighborhoods and nice museums in Philly, but this isn't a travel blog. So let's get down to the nitty-gritty, things that really matter (and by that I mean things that don't matter at all).

Perhaps it's only because I spent most of my time in hip Center City, but there are people in Phillies t-shirts everywhere you look. Immediately upon entering the metropolis, you're drowned in its sports fans. I know D.C. isn't exactly wild about the Nationals, but even walking around New York, you don't see nearly this many people wearing Yankees apparel. There's even a store called Cheesesteaktees which is solely devoted to selling Philly-related clothing. Center City seems to be full of both hipsters and bros, and they balance each other out. Maybe the prevalence of bros explains why Philadelphians are so big on tasering. And with Philly's proximity to New Jersey, the city is also full of a certain cultural subset slightly related to more extreme bros.

I know the question you're all begging me to answer: what about the flags? It's nowhere near the quality of the Baltimore flag, but Philly's is decent, and the city displays it prominently. They also fly the Pennsylvania state flag everywhere, and that one's not quite up to snuff. The "coat of arms on a blank background" is only one step up from the abysmal "seal on a blank background" so many states fly. And the black horses + dark brown eagle on the dark blue field are a flag faux pas--everyone knows you shouldn't have black and dark brown on dark blue!

But the fact Pennsylvania features their unremarkable flag everywhere got me thinking. Obviously, the three flags I spend the most time under are DC, Maryland, and Virginia. The first two are magnificent flags, while Virginia's is completely devoid of any character whatsoever. Coincidentally, D.C. and Maryland fly their flag everywhere, while I almost never see buildings in Virginia display their state flag. I always thought this was just because Virginia knows it has a horrible flag. But Pennsylvania's isn't much better, and they fly theirs far more prominently. What does this mean? Is Virginia just an anti-flag state?

Speculating about Winter Classic uniforms

The 2011 Winter Classic logos have been revealed! It's time to start speculating about the sweaters both the Pittsburgh Penguins and Washington Capitals will wear come January 1. Since the first Winter Classic on New Years Day 2008, teams have worn throwback jerseys reminiscent of a bygone era in their club history. This will be the first year a team plays in their second Classic: the Penguins also played in the inaugural '08 game in Buffalo against the Sabres, sporting the powder blue uniforms they wore from 1968 to 1971. These proved so popular they became team's third jersey from '08-'09 onward. What will both teams wear this year (or I guess, next year)? The recently revealed logos give us some clues. By the way, thanks to NHLuniforms.com for these great images of historical get-ups.

The Pens logo displayed here was never actually used on a uniform. It was the team's official logo for only one season: '67-'68, their first in the NHL. Instead of a logo, their jersey featured a diagonal "PITTSBURGH" lettermark, much like the New York Rangers' sweaters, who also have a logo that doesn't appear on the uniform. These sweaters were ditched the following season in favor of the aforementioned unis they wore from '68 to '71, so this basically guarantees us Pittsburgh's sweaters for the '11 Winter Classic will be modern renditions of one of these two from their inaugural season:


These don't look nearly as great as the throwbacks they used in '08, but they're still a classic hockey design. The Pens established powder blue as a part of their color spectrum with the '08 WC jerseys-turned-thirds, so I'm leaning heavily towards Pittsburgh choosing powder blue again for '11 over the white one. I'd rather see them go with white, though, because it would mix things up a bit. They'll probably add nameplates to the back of the sweaters to comply with current NHL regulations. As a side note, the number font on these jerseys is fantastic, and I hope it's retained for the WC.
The Capitals' Winter Classic logo is taken from jerseys they wore for over two decades, from their inception in 1974 to 1995. There were a few modifications during this era (changing the positioning of the stars, adding or removing trim on the numbers, etc.), but they remained basically the same. The big question is: white or red?

They're equally sharp jerseys. Assuming Pittsburgh will wear powder blue, the Caps will most likely go with white, because to comply with NHL rules, one team must always don white. But I hope the Caps wear red. First of all, a team is required to wear white so the opposing club's uniforms don't clash. Here, however, bright red clashes much less with powder blue than white does, as seen in 2008. Plus, we must realize these specialty jerseys are created with marketing and profit in mind. They want fans to lay down cash for it. The red sweater would be much more cohesive for fans to wear at Verizon Center, where "Rock the Red" is the mantra. White speckled in there would just dilute the image of the Caps faithful.
The other factor to take into account with both teams is the potential for turning these one-off sweaters into future third jerseys. Four of the six teams that have played in past Winter Classics adapted their WC sweaters into third jerseys afterward (or in the case of the Philadelphia Flyers, road jerseys). That number may even rise to five, as the Sabres are likely to turn some variation of their WC unis into road sweaters for '10-'11. The Pens would be replacing their old WC-thirds with new WC-thirds, depending on the reception the new throwbacks get. It would be more interesting with the Caps, because they have yet to introduce a third jersey since they started wearing their current uniforms in 2007 (which are, in fact, modern interpretations of the '74-'95 sweaters). Owner Ted Leonsis has stated he doesn't plan on introducing a third in the foreseeable future because the Caps' current look is great, and as I mentioned above, he doesn't want to dilute the Rocking of the Red. After the Winter Classic, I guess we'll find out.

International hockey jerseys: the countdown!

As I mentioned in my Spurs kit review, I've got a thing for uniforms. Let's start off by looking at international hockey sweaters! The last major tournament was the 2010 Winter Olympics, so those are the uniforms I'll be analyzing. Thanks to Icethetics.info for the great photos.

Nike made the jerseys for all twelve teams in the Olympics this year, so there are certain similarities between them. A number of the sweaters have the same name/number font, which happens to be the Vancouver Canucks' letter style... wonder if it's a coincidence, since that's where the Olympics were.

12. Switzerland (also wears a red jersey)

All twelve uniforms are fairly solid, but Switzerland's is the weakest. The Swiss cross is on the left breast like a soccer shirt, but that doesn't work in hockey. They've got all this extra real estate to work with, but all they do here is put a little cross in the corner. A big cross emblazoned across the chest would have looked great. Otherwise, it's a fairly simple uniform which works because of the simplicity of Switzerland's flag.

11. Russia (also wears a white jersey)

Russia has a great crest: a two-headed eagle. I wish it was bigger. But the blue accents on the red uniform don't match well at all, and look very elementary. I also believe if you have a logo, like the eagle, you shouldn't have your country's name spelled out below it, because presumably the role of the crest is to represent your team, so the written name is redundant. However, I appreciate that the word "Russia" is spelled out in Russian, instead of in English. There's so much more potential for the sweater than this. A nice touch is the watermark on the sleeves and waist you can only really see close-up, and don't show up on TV (check the image above of the white jersey, it's easier to see there).

10. Norway (also wears a white jersey)

Norway's uniforms are interesting because they're one of only two teams at the tournament, along with Sweden, to have a lace-up collar. The blue stripes on the sleeves, waist, and socks are great; they're very Norwegian. In place of a logo is "NORGE" diagonal across the front of the sweater, New York Rangers style (bonus points for spelling it in Norwegian instead of English). It's a very classic look, but Norway isn't a country with a winning and storied hockey tradition, so it's puzzling why they'd go so old-school. A team like theirs should be looking toward the future with a more modern look. This one is smartly designed but falls a bit flat.

9. Czech Republic (also wears a red jersey)

Four teams so far, four red jerseys. I'm torn over the Czech Republic's sweaters. I should love them. They feature a great national crest--coats of arms are always a success with me, as they're both very symbolic of the team and they just look classy. The Czech crest stands alone without the country's name underneath, which is smart design. And the name/number font used on the uniforms is unique among international hockey teams. But there's just something about these sweaters that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Perhaps it's the striping, which seems very casually designed and of no real meaning to the team or country.

8. Slovakia (also wears a white jersey)

Naturally, after the Czech Republic comes Slovakia. Finally, a national team that doesn't wear red! This may be part of the reason I like Slovakia's sweaters so much. On top of that, the specific shade of blue used on the uniform is eye-catching. This is probably the best usage of Nike's standard hockey jersey template of any international team. The Slovak national crest is simple yet distinctive, works well with the rest of the uniform, and is thankfully devoid of the country's name spelled out underneath. My main issue with this uniform is that while it's a great execution of a modern jersey, it works a bit too well with Nike's template. There's nothing that makes Slovakia's jerseys stand out in the crowd besides the fact that it's blue.

7. Canada (also wears a red jersey)

I want to hate this jersey so badly. It's big, bad Canada. It's another team in red. Below the logo is the name of the country, which is redundant (although I can't complain about the language of the country name, since Canada is "Canada" in both English and French). But it's hard to think of anything I would change about Canada's sweaters; they are Team Canada. Many Canadians were super pissed they weren't allowed to use the Hockey Canada logo during the Olympics (since national hockey federation logos are considered advertisement), but this one is even better. If you look closely, it's beautiful. The numbering and lettering font is different from most other teams, very matter-of-fact and very Canadian. Most teams suffer from their white jersey being not nearly as great as their dark jersey, but Canada has two equally iconic sweaters.

6. Belarus (also wears a white jersey)

There are a couple obvious design red flags in Belarus' jersey. It features a crest as well as the country's name underneath, and the name is in English instead of Belarusian or Russian. But I love that this is the first uniform on my list that features a color other than red, white, and blue as a primary color: green. The team may not be very talented (in fact, it looks as if the goalie in the picture is lamenting after a goal has been scored against him), but green on an international hockey sweater is awesome. And I love the crest of Belarus: instead of a fierce animal or medieval shield, it's wheat. And flowers.

5. United States (also wears a white jersey and third jersey)

Like our Neighbors to the North, many Americans were pissed Team USA couldn't use the USA Hockey logo on their jerseys. I, however, think that's fantastic. The USA Hockey logo sucks. Instead, we've got a great lettermark reminiscent of the 1980 Miracle on Ice uniforms. The dark blue with red around the waist is patriotic without being cheesy about it. The Canucks lettering and numbering font looks better on the USA jersey than on any other international sweater. Plus, much like the Russian jersey, there's watermarking on the sleeves and waist that can't be seen unless you're up close. In addition, the white away jersey isn't just a color palette swap of the blue sweater, and looks solid in its own right. The third jersey is a throwback to the other gold medal-winning USA team, the 1960 squad. It's very Rangers-ey; I wouldn't want it to be the home or away sweater, but for a third, it's alright.

4. Finland (also wears a blue jersey)

Finland's sky blue jerseys are majestic. Click the link above--Icethetics hasn't posted pics of the blue uni yet, so my photo to the left is the inferior white sweater. The blue stands out and gets you thinking Finnish. The crest is ancient and righteous, and although the name of the country accompanies it, the name has better placement and font than on other teams' jerseys, and it's the Finnish "Suomi," not "Finland"--there have been Finland jerseys in the past with the country name in English, so I'm glad these ones are in the native tongue. With the exception of a certain other Scandinavian country that has yet to be named, no other international hockey team has such an immediate color association as sky blue and Finland.

3. Germany (also wears a white jersey)

Germany is a rising power in the hockey world, but their uniform speaks with authority. A striking black sweater with eagle detail watermarks on the sleeves, it's an instantly recognizable jersey. The German black eagle coat of arms looks great, and although the name of the country is below, once again, it's written in German, which is good. Some people think black is overused in the NHL these days, but on the international level, it's a unique color scheme which stands out in a world of red, white, and blue. Yellow also pervades Germany's uniform, adding another element not seen on many international jerseys. Recently at the World Championship in Germany, they began wearing an all-yellow third jersey which looks even better than the standard white away jersey; hopefully the yellow will replace the white soon.

2. Latvia (also wears a white jersey)

You wouldn't expect a little hockey country like Latvia to make the #2 spot on this list. But their beautiful maroon color and smart integration of the word "LATVIJA" (in Latvian) into the waist of the sweater complement perhaps the best coat of arms of any international hockey team, the silver and white going great with the maroon. Teams with a uniform of these colors are few and far between; I'd like to see it more. Coincidentally, a club team that does have this color scheme is the only KHL team based out of Latvia, Dinamo Riga. Nearly the entire Latvian national team comes from this one club team.

1. Sweden (also wears a blue jersey)

Was this ever in question? Sweden is the only major international team with a non-white light jersey. Instead, they've got the iconic yellow. Besides Norway, this is the only uniform with the classy lace-up neck. The Tre Kronor is a flawless logo, and coincidentally, there's no "SWEDEN" written below it. This is arguably the best uniform in all of hockey. Since the Swedish national team was founded in 1920, this uniform has been virtually unchanged. It's perfect. It flows better than the Team Canada uniform, it's more creative than the Montreal Canadiens uniform. I wish I had more to say about this uniform, but it's perfect.

I know the Olympics happened a while ago, but I won't get another chance to rank these uniforms until 2014! Sometime next week or so, I'll be ranking World Cup kits. That will have to be more than double the length of this entry. Epic.

Sharks are the stupidest animals. I hate sharks.

There's a reason the Street Sharks are wearing neon green cutoff jean shorts, knee pads, and rollerblades. If you like sharks, you must be an 11-year-old boy from the '90s.

Everyone thinks sharks kick ass. But how kickass can you be when a punch in the nose incapacitates you completely? People think it's cool that sharks have hundreds of teeth. But they've got so many because their teeth are pansies and fall out all the time. Every little kid has acquired a shark tooth at some point in their childhood. You're not badass if children collect your teeth. People argue, "a shark could kick a bear's ass in a fight." Well duh--the shark has home field advantage. Bears aren't water animals. But at least they can somewhat swim on a basic level. If the bear had home field advantage and the battle was on land, the shark wouldn't be able to "somewhat walk on a basic level." It would die. Because sharks suck.

Why would you name a hockey team after a shark? Sharks have nothing to do with hockey. Evgeni Nabokov played with the Sharks for over a decade, and he knows that. That's why he left for the KHL. The 11-year-old kid from the '90s I mentioned earlier probably drew their logo. It's biting a hockey stick in half to tangentially relate sharks to hockey? Great. The "super hardcore aggressive animal" shtick is quite creative... for a high school football team. I actually appreciate that the jerseys are teal since it's a color we don't see all the time in sports uniforms, but what does teal have to do with sharks? Again, I refer you to the 11-year-old '90s kid.

A lot of sharks can't even see straight ahead, because they look dumb. Especially hammerhead sharks. It's funny they're named after an inanimate object, because if sharks stop moving, they DIE. Tiger sharks look passable, but that it's because they're named after an animal that doesn't suck. Cats are the best animals. Name a feline that isn't awesome. You can't. Lions are a bit overrated, but they're still nifty.
Have you ever seen a Great White outside an aquarium? No. Because even the most revered shark of all is a coward. I hate sharks, and so should you.