Ranking Premier League kits

I've been waiting to do this for a long time, but I wanted to wait until the season started so we could see all the new kits. Here we go.

NOTE: Some people can't seem to figure it out, but the phrases in parentheses are in fact hyperlinks to teams' away and third kits, which are not pictured in this article.

20. Bolton Wanderers (blue away kit & navy third kit)

It's a step up from last year's strange-striped catastrophe, but Bolton's kits are still the worst in the league. Shady online gambling sites are all over European soccer jerseys today, but that doesn't make them any less horrendous. I respect that this is the only EPL kit currently made by Reebok, a company which happens to be from Bolton, but that doesn't excuse the giant Reebok logos on the shoulders (and shorts). For the most part, this is a soulless kit devoured by a betting site sponsor that doesn't even change its orange & gray color scheme to match the rest of the kit's white, blue & red scheme.

19. Blackpool (white away kit & blue third kit)

I appreciate kits that are made by companies other than Adidas, Nike, and Puma, but this Carbrini design is lacking. Once again, a gaudy sponsor with a color scheme that doesn't match the rest of the kit pukes all over this shirt. The shade of tangerine is a bit off, too. Blackpool has a great crest, but you can hardly distinguish it in this jersey. I'll cut them a bit of slack, though, since this is their first season ever in the Premier League.

18. Wigan Athletic (black away kit)

Another "good smaller manufacturer (Mi-Fit) but nevertheless a bad design" situation. Wigan is Mi-Fit's hometown team, which is nice. Most English clubs have a traditional, century-old design for their home shirt and are more adventurous with their away and third kits--a winning combination. But Wigan can't seem to decide what its "look" is, even for home kits. "I guess it's blue, with some white" is as specific as their identity gets. And the 188Bet sponsor is the same vomit that appears on Bolton's travesty of a shirt.

17. West Bromwich Albion (black away kit & red third kit)

Umbro is by far my favorite kit manufacturer. Clean, classic shirts. West Brom's shirts are fantastic. Great striping, a retro collar, and a striking black & white crest on the jet black away kit. So why is this uniform all the way down at #17? The sponsor. This is the worst ruining of a shirt by a sponsor in the entire league. Not only do the colors not work, but it's huge and obtrusive. I'm sure WBA management didn't enjoy not having a sponsor last season, but it meant their kits were vastly superior. Maybe this sponsor is going with the "it's so ugly they'll remember us" line of thinking.

16. Birmingham City (white away kit & red third kit)

Finally, a team with a well-integrated sponsor. The color scheme fits, and I've always thought the duality of the big F & C matches Birmingham's dual circle logo. Chinese manufacturer Xtep's big chevron design on the chest is pretty unique, but it still doesn't match the club's old Umbro designs. Otherwise, this is a pretty routine design with routine colors that don't stand out very much. Perhaps the fairly unremarkable uniform matches the fairly unremarkable club who wears it.

15. Newcastle United (blue away kit & white third kit)

Puma is the laziest of kit manufacturers. Newcastle's home strip is decent, but the club's classic black & white stripe pattern works despite Puma's design template, rather than because of it. Other than the home shirt, Puma completely phones it in with the away and third kits, which are variations of Italy World Cup jersey clones (and after Italy's World Cup, I don't know if teams want to draw that comparison). You'll notice this throughout the list with every single Puma creation. That irregular collar was nifty the first time we saw it, but not after 500 shirts with that collar.

14. Wolverhampton Wanderers (black away kit)

It's a shame the blue & red "sportingbet" sponsor colors ruin this one, because otherwise this Burrda kits stands out as a smart design. The shade of yellow/orange is unique and works well against the black details, and the collar is one-of-a-kind among Premier League teams. If the sponsor would change its colors, this shirt would definitely make the top ten--orange is harder to pull off than most other colors in clothing. And Wolves have a very un-English abstract wolf logo I highly enjoy--one that made a cameo in The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. If the club avoids relegation, I look forward to what they've got next year.

13. Fulham (red away kit & green third kit)

Kappa's design for Fulham would be spectacular if it weren't for the horrendous sponsor. I sense this "sponsor ruining a shirt" theme keeps reappearing... perhaps clubs should take notice. Anyway, "FxPro" wouldn't be nearly so bad if it didn't feature the "Trade Forex like a pro!" subtitle underneath it. Fulham has also got the most boring crest in all of England. But the shirt itself is sharply designed, and the away and third kits are real head-turners. If only FxPro could clean itself up, these would be A+ kits.

12. Stoke City (blue away kit)

Stoke City's kits have no real issues, per se. The sponsor looks fine, the crest looks fine, the design is smart, there's no problem. But it's just so regular that it becomes incredibly boring. The Adidas template reminds me of MLS uniforms, but in a league with far more tradition and variation, you'd think Stoke could come up with something more creative. Their kits will always be compared to Sunderland's, both because they're "red & white stripes" and because alphabetically, Stoke and Sunderland are even right next to each other. Sunderland has really outdone itself this year, and Stoke stutters in comparison.

11. Aston Villa (black away kit & white third kit)

Fulham's horrendous "FxPro: Trade Forex Like a Pro!" sponsor reappears in Aston Villa's kit, but it looks a bit better here... at least in the home kit, where the colors have been changed to match Villa's iconic claret & blue. On the other two shirts, it's just a gaudy red. When will sponsors learn? Anyway, the checkerboard trim down the sides is a nice touch, and Villa always have their sweet crest ("PREPARED!"). But even if it's not as ugly as on the Fulham shirt, the FxPro sponsor definitely downgrades the whole kit a notch.

10. Tottenham Hotspur (blue away kit, navy third kit, white cup kit)

I already reviewed these kits in one of my first-ever blog posts. Well, the home shirt is classy, and the new sponsor looks fine (the sponsor on the cup kit may even look better), but as I mentioned with Newcastle, Puma is a lazy manufacturer. Other than the home kit--which has fantastic shorts, by the way--Puma really couldn't care less about the Uruguay-crossed-with-Italy away kit. The navy third kit isn't great, but I appreciate the lime green trim; this should be the away kit. But I always thought, "at least the home shirt is original"... until Tottenham played Swiss club BSC Young Boys in Champions League, and I looked up Young Boys' Puma away kit. Ugh. I'll be glad to see Spurs switch to Adidas next season.

9. West Ham United (white away kit)

Like Stoke being compared to Sunderland, West Ham's kit will always be compared to Aston Villa's. And the Hammers have a smart retro outfit this year, an improvement over last season's. Small manufacturer Macron, throwback trimmings, a superior away kit, and the badass castle-and-hammers logo have even pushed West Ham above Aston Villa on my list, which seems like blasphemy. Hopefully this forces Villa to push the envelope next season.

8. Blackburn Rovers (red away kit & white third kit)

The ugly black rectangle around the Crown Paints sponsor (which is much better integrated on Blackburn's away and third shirts) is really the only reason this is down at #8 on the list. I understand it's tough to think of a way to make the sponsor look good on two different colors at once, but come on. Umbro once again produce a sleek, simple uniform, and I'm a sucker for Blackburn's halved shirts; I wish we'd see more teams with halves like this. A neat retro collar and a crest which adds a subtle red detailing to the shirt carries over to the away and third shirts, which all work very well together as a coherent set of uniforms.

7. Everton (pink away kit)

A lot of people are going to disagree with my placement of Everton's Le Coq Sportif kits so high on the list. They all hate the hot pink away shirt. But I think it's the greatest decision the club could have made. Like I said before, home shirts are meant to be traditional, and Everton's all-blue definitely does the job in that department with a smart, clean design and an awesome sponsor. Away kits are meant to be a club's chance to experiment. The hot pink is eye-catching, a color you hardly see at all in professional sports. French manufacturer Le Coq (the most suggestive, most French company name of all time) outdid themselves, especially compared to last season's abysmal "V" shirts.

6. Liverpool (white away kit & black third kit)

It's a shame Liverpool had to part with their righteous long-term sponsor Carlsberg, but the new sponsor isn't horrible. And the shirt itself is better; look at the subtle diamond pattern throughout the shirt. The smart design is definitely reminiscent of Adidas' great MLS kits, with one big difference: Liverpool's away and third shirts are awesome. You'll also notice despite my constantly saying "I appreciate small manufacturers," most of the kits near the top of this list are from major companies. I guess the big guys have the money to create the smarter designs with better materials.

5. Chelsea (black away kit & green third kit)

Some fans feel iffy about Chelsea adding a little red trim to their mostly blue kit... oh no, not red! But it's a nice touch. And overall, once again Adidas delivers a solid kit with a fine sponsor. There's not really anything else one could ask for in a Chelsea home kit. The away strip is modern and Tron-like, with details I like to call Neon Orange Pinstripes of the Future. When I saw the "macaw and navy" third kit, the first thing that came to mind for me was actually Scottish club Hibernian's away shirt. But Chelsea's third has a nifty blue stripe down the middle, I guess to retain the Chelsea-ness of it all.

4. Manchester United (white away kit & black third kit)

After Man U's former sponsor, AIG, happened to go down the drain, they scrambled to find a new one, and Aon looks even better. I feel a bit dirty the Big Four clubs are all so high up on my list, but much like the biggest manufacturers, the biggest clubs are going to sell the most kits around the world, so I suppose they put much more stock into having a solid look. Nike's new kit with the old-style collar is very '70s and about as sleek as they come. This is the ultimate Man U kit. It's as if Nike's actually learned something from my beloved Umbro (who they bought out in 2008), and hopefully this carries over to more Nike kits in the next few years.

3. Sunderland (cream away kit)

Huh? Sunderland? Well, it's an impeccable Umbro design with a well-integrated sponsor and a clean striped look. Normally I'd say Stoke has the edge over Sunderland, since Stoke wears simple white shorts that are coherent with their look, while Sunderland adds the unnecessary third color of black. But it looks fantastic here, and as you can see, Sunderland has spanked their fellow red & white striped rivals this year. And I love that the away kit isn't quite white; it's more of a cream off-white, which looks excellent with the maroon detailing and matching sponsor colors to boot!

2. Arsenal (yellow away kit & blue third kit)

As a Tottenham supporter, it kills me to say this, but Arsenal have majestic uniforms. After last season's disappointing shirts, this year Nike has again taken a cue from Umbro and created an ageless uniform. If I were a Gunners fan, I'd just be bummed out soccer works on this "new jerseys every season" format, because almost by default, anything other than this shirt next year will be a downgrade. The simple red with white sleeves, the fantastic cuffs at the ends of the sleeves, the A+ sponsor... it's virtually perfect. The away kit is beautiful as well, with this same basic template applied to a unique yellow & maroon color scheme.

1. Manchester City (blue away kit & white third kit)

Delicious. The epitome of the classic Umbro design, unique colors, a great sponsor, an iconic crest. I'm incredibly jealous of Man City fans. I love the subtle same-color stripes on the shirt, as well as the retro cuffs on the sleeves. I suggest clicking on the jersey to my right so you can get a bigger view of the most gorgeous shirt in English soccer. With Etihad Airways on this shirt and Emirates on the Arsenal shirt, I guess the lesson is: "Get an airline from the United Arab Emirates to be your sponsor." The dark blue away kit is equally classy, and features spectacular hooped socks. The nifty "T" collar design, along with its color scheme, reminds me of Dark Samus from the Metroid Prime video game series of all things. The third shirt with the sash provides a nice completely different take on the Man City identity. I love that on this shirt, the sponsor was even willing to make their logo smaller to better accommodate the design. These are the best kits in England.

Ranking Major League Soccer uniforms

It's been a while since I've done one of these. Unlike most soccer leagues around the world, all MLS clubs have the same kit manufacturer: Adidas. As we saw in my World Cup kit ranking, Adidas on average makes some of the best uniforms around. Some people may disagree, but I think this carries over to MLS having some of the best club jerseys in the world. The designs are clean, and the integration of shirt sponsors is much more fluid than on the kits of the best league in the world, the English Premier League.

NOTE: Some people can't seem to figure it out, but the phrases in parentheses are in fact hyperlinks to teams' away and third kits, which are not pictured in this article.

16. New England Revolution (white away kit)

"The Revs" have one of the worst names in soccer, and it carries over to their shirt. The soccer-ball-U.S.-flag crest doesn't signify anything about the team other than "we're American." I know they don't have a sponsor yet, but that doesn't mean they need "REVOLUTION" emblazoned across the chest in cheesy font--if the crest were better, people would recognize it as the team's logo and wouldn't need a redundant lettermark beneath it. I respect the whole "trying to give a city's sports teams a cohesive color scheme" of picking navy, red, and gray, but the gray on the shoulders just looks out of place and ruins the shirt design as a whole. The white away kit, devoid of these gray shoulder blobs, looks much cleaner.

15. Columbus Crew (black away kit)

It's a shame the Crew's spectacular pinstriped away kit isn't the home shirt. Instead we've got this eye-searing yellow with arbitrary noodle piping. The yellow wouldn't be as bad if it wasn't 100% yellow and there was more black to contrast it with. As it is, the uniform just reminds me of Barcelona's away kit from two years ago. There's a reason it was only an away kit. Back to Columbus, once again we've got the curse of the horrible team name leading to a horrible crest. I appreciate their homage to blue-collar workers, but why that image? It's like male models from a women's hunk calendar. The Glidden sponsorship could look better, but it could also look much worse, and gets bonus points for being an Ohio-based company.

14. Toronto FC (gray away kit)

Finally, a team with a simple name and a good crest. Toronto FC is going after a clean look, but the shirt design is muddied up in the same way New England's is: with random gray areas on the shoulders. The Bank of Montreal sponsorship (good that it's a Canadian company, but will be strange when Montreal joins MLS) would look better if they picked either the "BMO" lettermark or the circular logo, but having both makes the shirt too busy. Hmm... a team called "[city name] FC" nicknamed the Reds with an Adidas kit featuring both its sponsor's lettermark and logo... sounds like Liverpool and their kit. Perhaps TFC can learn something from LFC's sharply designed and vastly superior jersey. Right now it just looks bland.

13. Houston Dynamo (white away kit)

I wish it could've been Dynamo Houston--reminiscent of Eastern European clubs like Dynamo Moscow--or even better, its original chosen name of Houston 1836--similar to German clubs like Schalke 04. But Houston Dynamo is a decent name. Their choice of orange as their primary color is bold, but the "Space City Blue" or "Luv Ya Blue" (depending on what official source you read it from) makes the orange much less awesome. You should never contrast a light color with another light color. Combined with the very feminine swoopy stripe down the right side, this makes the whole kit not nearly as powerful as it could be. As much as I dislike the blue, I wish they would wear a blue away kit like the MLS All-Star jerseys instead of white, which adds a third light color to the mix. The Texas-based Amigo Energy sponsor is integrated well.

12. Chicago Fire (white away kit)

The Fire is another dumb name, but it actually makes for a pretty cool crest. Chicago has tried to modernize their shirt. Certain changes like the subtle lettering around the collar work, but other changes don't: turning the iconic white horizontal stripe into a strange band-aid looking thing and adding random stripes on the stomach that just make me think of the French 2010 World Cup jersey--I don't think that's a connection they want to be making. Strangely, the Best Buy logo on the chest looks great; good thing they decided not to use their price tag logo. Man, would that have been an ugly sponsor. The whole kit looks very sleek, but isn't nearly as flattering on more "portly" Chicago fans wearing the replicas.

11. Kansas City Wizards (white away kit)

A childish name, a boring crest that looks like the front of a train, and a redundant "KANSAS CITY" across the chest. There are a few redeeming factors, though. Kansas City is the only MLS club to wear bright blue at home, which is a breath of fresh air. The stiff collar is very wizardy, which I enjoy. The subtle yellow detailing is nice. And the weird piping bands around the sleeves, seen in many Adidas jerseys, looks great here. Luckily for the Wizards (who started out as the even more horrendous "Wiz" in 1996), there's rumor of a name change in the works for next season. I'll be writing about this in an upcoming blog post in the next couple weeks.

10. Colorado Rapids (blue away kit)

Colorado doesn't have a sponsor, and I appreciate that instead of putting a redundant "RAPIDS" on the front, they keep it blank. As a result, though, it's a pretty boring shirt that hasn't changed since last season. With the collar, it almost looks like just a regular polo shirt someone would wear off the field. But the great maroon color (consistent with other Colorado sports teams) offset by a nearly-as-cool blue away jersey (thank god it's not white) redeems the Rapids, along with their smartly-designed crest. It'll be interesting to see how the club incorporates a sponsor in the next couple years.

9. Chivas USA (blue away kit)

Chivas USA is one of the few MLS teams whose away kit is a completely different design from the home kit, and I like that a lot. The blue shirt may be fairly plain in comparison to the striped home shirt, but that's okay with me. The shirt's a step down from last year, though. The arbitrary noodle piping I mentioned with Columbus are present here, ruining a great striped design. Extra, a Mexican sponsor added right before the season began, doesn't look quite as classy as Chivas' previous sponsor, Comex. Strangely enough, the shirts still look better than those of Chivas' Mexican parent club, C.D. Guadalajara.

8. San Jose Earthquakes (white away kit & blue third kit)

Despite having possibly the worst name in all of soccer, the Quakes have a pretty good jersey. Bright blue on jet black is a striking color combination we don't see very often. The white piping around the shoulders are something we've started to see a lot on Adidas jerseys, but I think it works here better than anywhere else. Going back to my "I wish more teams wore non-white away kits" motif, I'd love San Jose to replace their unremarkable white away shirts with the incredible bright blue third jerseys they revealed a couple months ago.

7. New York Red Bulls (blue away kit)

The Red Bulls get a lot of crap for being named after an energy drink. But there are plenty of historic teams around the world built around sponsors (see: 106-year-old German club Bayer Leverkusen). And if you ignore the fact that it's an energy drink, it's a badass logo and a pretty awesome name--I just wish they'd go more by their formal name, Red Bull New York, instead of the colloquial New York Red Bulls. It also seems like Red Bull overkill that there's a giant logo on the chest-stomach as well as the badge on the left breast. You'd think you could just get rid of the little badge. Both their home and road jerseys have unique things going on with the collar.

6. Seattle Sounders FC (blue away kit & "electricity" third kit)

Another kit I like that everyone else constantly complains about. I seem to be the only non-Sounders supporter who actually enjoys the distinctive "rave green" home shirt. The crest is brilliant, and the green matches both the local business sponsor of Xbox 360 and fits in with other Seattle sports teams. The blue away shirt is much less jarring but another great shirt. However, I will not defend the retina-searing highlighter-vomit third kit. What were they trying to do there? If they were going after the bright green vibe, they already covered that ground to a reasonable measure with the green home shirt. Oh well.

5. FC Dallas (blue away kit)

I've whined multiple times on this list about teams without sponsors who put their club name across the chest to fill the space even though the crest makes it redundant. FC Dallas is the exception to the rule. It'll be nice to see a real sponsor replace "FC DALLAS" on the chest, but for now, the simple font makes it look great. And not enough teams wear hoops. They make this shirt stand out among a sea of solid colors. The blue away shirt is equally stunning, and makes it one of the few MLS clubs whose road jerseys are just as good as the home jerseys. FCD's shirts are also an exception to the rule in that I usually don't like color-on-color (i.e. blue on red with no white buffer) but on both of Dallas' kits, it looks great. Good thing they're not called the "Dallas Burn" anymore.

4. Real Salt Lake (white away kit & yellow third kit)

Dumb Real Madrid-ripoff name aside, Real Salt Lake has everything going for it. Probably the best color scheme in MLS, a cool-looking sponsor from Utah (XanGo), and a regal crest. The gold trim on the maroon with blue makes the whole kit look more refined and mature than many other MLS jerseys. By contrast, the team just started wearing mostly yellow third jerseys that immediately smack you in the eyeball. As with the Columbus Crew, I wouldn't like these as home kits, but they're not. They're thirds. And as with San Jose, I wish these brightly-colored shirts would replace the boring white away kits.

3. Philadelphia Union (gold away kit)

For a first-year club, Philly has got its uniforms on lock. A fantastic color scheme harkening back to the Philadelphia flag, the reference solidified with the big stripe down the center of the shirt. The uniform's main colors of navy and gold are complimented by a fantastic subtle light blue only seen on the badge and the piping across the chest. Since they're new, Philly doesn't have a sponsor, but they smartly decide not to put "UNION" on the chest, instead becoming the only MLS club with its crest in the center of the shirt instead of on the left. The crest, by the way, is the best in the league. It's a tribute to the Gadsden Flag. The gold away kit is also stunning--I'm not sure there's any other soccer team with this shade of brownish gold as the predominant color.

2. Los Angeles Galaxy (blue away kit)

The L.A. Galaxy have the douchiest name in MLS, but their kit is one of the greatest. No longer is it merely a Real Madrid clone. The blue along the shoulders and the yellow details on the piping and collar make this an incredibly smart, clean white shirt. The crest matches the rest of the look, and the LA-based Herbalife sponsor (which sounds like it should have something to do with medical marijuana) fits the kit. As a fan of Tottenham, who also wears white-with-blue and is rumored to be switching manufacturers from Puma to Adidas next year, I hope they can take a page from LA's book. The away kit is pretty much what you'd expect, and it looks good in its simplicity.

1. D.C. United (white away kit)

It's a pity D.C. United is having such a dismal season, because these are virtually the perfect uniforms. Many non-DCU fans trash our kits: "Such ugly black!" Hey, we were the first team to wear black, and we're still one of only two teams in the league to wear the color. Anyway, the jet black looks fantastic, especially with the new red detailing in the piping and the collar (I particularly love the collar). The Volkswagen sponsor is one of the few corporate logos I think legitimately adds to the artistry of it all--the shirt looks better than it did before the sponsorship. It's a simple yet iconic logo without the company's lettermark. Volkswagen adapted the design's colors to fit DCU's needs: black & white. Even VW's hometown club, Wolfsburg, didn't get the VW logo's blue background removed for their Adidas kits. Only two things could make D.C. United's kits more perfect. Change the four stars above the crest from too-shiny to matte, and make the shoulder stipes on the white away shirt red (like they were a decade ago) instead of black, a reference to the D.C. flag. Otherwise, these are some of the best uniforms in the world.

Epic post! Ranking international soccer uniforms

A couple weeks ago, I posted a ranking of international hockey jerseys, and it quickly became the most popular article I've written on this blog so far. Naturally, the next step is to do the same thing with international soccer jerseys. The last major soccer tournament was of course the 2010 World Cup, with a staggering 32 uniforms to analyze. Let's get cracking.

32. North Korea (white away kit)

North Korea has switched kit manufacturers dozens of times, and lacks any sort of consistent image other than "we wear mostly red." North Korea isn't exactly interested in selling replica shirts to fans. They went with Italian manufacturer Legea for the World Cup, and sported a completely unremarkable get-up. On top of the amateur lettering and numbering, Legea didn't even put any sort of crest or logo on the breast, instead simply going with the country's flag. Poor design choices.

31. Nigeria (white away kit)

It was rumored the Nigeria Football Federation actually turned down this lackluster design by Adidas, but when the team arrived in South Africa, they were indeed wearing this kit which seems to be merely a generic green Adidas template with the NFF logo slapped on. This ranks ahead of North Korea because the white kit is at least a bit more interesting, with green trim on a still-boring white jersey.

30. Switzerland (white away kit)

I guess the Swiss enjoy snoozeworthy uniforms in all international tournaments, whether it be hockey or soccer. Another kit faux pas involving the country's flag instead of any sort of crest on the left breast, although it could have been amended if the white square border were eliminated since it's a red flag on a red shirt anyway. But unlike North Korea, they don't forget to include a logo as well--on the right breast. Swiss flag + Swiss Football Association logo + Puma logos everywhere = too busy.

29. Chile (white away kit)

Chile has used small American manufacturer Brooks Sports as its kit maker for a long time. Many Chileans are resentful of this relationship, and for good reason. Like two of the last three I've analyzed, it's a boring red shirt. The Chilean Football Federation has a great crest, but it's only featured as a shoulder patch on this jersey, with the breast being taken up by a lackluster near-flag logo. I appreciate when a team uses a manufacturer besides Adidas, Nike, or Puma, but not when the kits look like this.

28. Italy (white away kit)

This is almost the greatest kit of all time. It's Italy's classic blue jersey with a great crest and subtle green, white, and red lining on the collar. But then they had to add the watermark. If you look closely, you can see a watermark that covers the whole shirt, meant to be a gladiator's armor as some sort of allegory for footballers as warriors. But it just looks like fake abs. Once you see it, you can't un-see it. It's like when you're a little kid and you buy a Superman costume for Halloween with a built-in six pack. This shirt is the jersey equivalent of someone pooping on a delicious chocolate cake.

27. France (white away kit)

It's not a coincidence that two world soccer powers completely wet the bed during the World Cup. Italy and France imploded in South Africa, and they both also happened to wear horrific uniforms this year. Much like Italy, France has a smartly-designed crest, and their away strip is actually not bad at all. But the strange Transformers-esque red and white stripes on the stomach are inexplicable. It's like a 12-year-old kid in the '90s thought, "What would make this shirt look better? I know! Some arbitrary stomach stripes!" On top of that, the collar makes this look like a t-shirt.

26. The Netherlands (white away kit)

Strange, a team that made it to the final wore such an ugly shirt. As an 8-year-old kid watching my first World Cup in 1998, Holland was my team of choice because I loved the color orange. Maybe my tastes have changed, but what's more likely is the uniform has gotten worse. Orange is a tough color to work well into clothing. The Royal Dutch Football Association has a great lion crest, but the fact that it's on an orange background exactly the same color as the rest of the shirt makes this much uglier. Officially, the Oranje wear black shorts with the shirt that make the kit look cheap. Occasionally the team sports an all-orange look which is eons ahead of the orange-and-black look.

25. Greece (blue away kit)

Greece has a great crest with awesome Greek lettering, but it's ruined by the generic Adidas template. Oodles of MLS teams feature this noodly-trim design, from the Columbus Crew to Chivas USA, and I don't like it on any of them. What's the point? It clashes particularly with the Greek uniforms, because Greek aesthetic is characteristically so blocky, and this is so wavy and round. Perhaps the lines would look better if they were at right angles.

24. Australia (blue away kit)

I appreciate that this is the first team on the list not to have a white jersey, but the Socceroos' shirts are pretty basic nonetheless. The three-color kits are almost just t-shirts. But the awesome (if a bit too complex) crest saves it a little. In general, Nike's current soccer uniforms for all its international teams are a bit simplistic, but they're all made out of recycled bottles, which is pretty net and eco-friendly. You'll notice, though, that all Nike international shirts feature weird little band-aids on the end of the sleeves. I'm not sure what those are about.

23. New Zealand (black away kit)

Speaking of people that are nearly Australian, New Zealand has got a pretty simple kit. The All-Whites are a play off their famous rugby team, the All-Blacks, and the soccer team's away kits are a reference to that. The national emblem, the fern, looks great on these kits, although I'm not sure why it needs the words "NEW ZEALAND FOOTBALL" underneath. A bit redundant, eh? I can't help but wish the Kiwis would wear their black uniforms as home kits, though--no other team wears a black home shirt, and it looks awesome.

22. Slovenia (green away kit)

Slovenia's uniforms would be unremarkable, but they're the now-famous "Charlie Brown shirts." In fact, they're meant to be reminiscent of Slovenia's coat of arms, depicting the nation's mountains. This zig-zag pattern sort of overshadows the shirt's crest, which is quite modern and classy. However, the green and yellow away kit looks even better than this white and green home one, and I wish they'd be reversed.

21. Honduras (blue away kit and third kit)

This is a much more successful example of a team using a smaller kit manufacturer. The large crest in the middle is bold and powerful, and the blue stripe above it makes the whole shirt stand out. But the blue and white-striped third kid is even better, incorporating these aspects as well as some classy stripes from the chest down. Now if only the team wearing this shirt were as good as the kit itself. In addition, the shorts feature a giant Times New Roman letter H, which some people hate but I think is awesome.

20. Slovakia (white away kit)

Slovakia is one of the only countries to feature its national crest instead of its soccer federation's crest (or national flag). It's a very simple, minimalistic uniform that I would hazard to call generic if the colors and logo didn't work so well--much like the uniform of Slovakia's national hockey team. It's how Adidas should have gone about designing its boring Nigeria kit. One tidbit of note is that there's a lot of confusion about the home vs. away kits. Everyone thinks of Slovakia in blue, but at the games this past World Cup where they were the designated "home" team, they wore the inferior white uniform. Huh?

19. Denmark (white away kit)

The Danes are quite the fans of this weird optical illusion thing across the chest. I'm not sure what it is, but it's nifty, and other than that, this is a pretty clean retro shirt. The crest of the Danish Football Association is interesting, because the font used in its lettering is almost Arab-looking. Unfortunately, Denmark's away kit is devoid of the optical illusion and vastly inferior, although it does feature some nice red lining.

18. Brazil (blue away kit)

Readers will complain that I've placed arguably the most recognizable sports jersey in the world all the way down at #18 out of 32. But although Brazil's current kit features the iconic yellow shirt with blue shorts, to me there's just something missing. If the crest is so famous, why does it need the word "BRASIL" underneath? The green stripe along the shoulders doesn't add anything. I actually prefer the blue away kit, because it features a subtle dot design that adds to the depth of the shirt when you look at it up close.

17. Paraguay (white away kit)

Paraguay's away kit is a soulless Adidas template, almost identical to Greece's shirt. But the home kit is a classic design, something that's been virtually unchaged as long as the team has been around. One thing I really dislike, though, is the solid block on the back for the numbers. A lot of teams do this, I guess because they think it makes the numbers easier to read, but as you'll see later on in this list, you can easily make a uniform with true stripes on the back and still be able to read the numbers.

16. South Korea (white away kit)

The Taeguk Warriors have a sweet tiger crest, and the entire shirt features a stunning tiger print watermark. Other than this design, it's a fairly simple shirt, so it looks much cooler up close than on TV. Usually, I don't think blue on red without any sort of white buffer looks good (see: Russia's national hockey team jerseys), but the fact that it's mostly red with just a little blue trim and a blue crest makes it work excellently on this kit.

15. Ghana (red away kit)

The Black Stars wear a classy white shirt, with an eponymous black star subtly watermarked on the right shoulder. But I don't understand why they wear this. The away kit, red with gold stripes, is stunning. If it were the home kit, Ghana would probably be in my Top 5. I understand the importance of the black lining, though, which leads me to wonder why Ghana doesn't maybe wear a black home shirt. There is so much wasted potential here, but it's still a classy kit.

14. Algeria (green away kit)

There's a certain motif here of Puma creating kits for African teams where the home shirt is a sleek-but-not amazing white home shirt, and a breathtaking, colorful away strip. The home jersey has a cool desert fox lettermark on the right shoulder and the green/red lining looks great. But the away shirt, green with red and white pinstripes, is superior in every way. It's a wonder why this masterpiece of a shirt isn't the home choice. Ghana and Algeria face nearly identical jersey crises. Hmm.

13. Serbia (white away kit)

Serbia's design of a white cross on red, while reminding me of Denmark, sets it apart from everything else. While the crest is a bit redundant (a logo of a white cross on red, on a jersey which is a white cross on red). The blue band-aid things on the sleeves add a nice soft third color which is not found on the rest of the jersey. The predictable white away jersey does not quite live up to the home strip, but that's okay with me when the home shirt looks so great.

12. Uruguay (white away kit)

Uruguay has the best flag in the world. So how to recreate that imagery in soccer jersey form? The sky blue color stands out, and the Suns of May watermarked all over the jersey are both awesome and friendly! One aspect I take issue with, though, is the badge. Normally, a team wears stars above their badge for every World Cup they've won. Uruguay has won two, but they wear four stars, representing the two Olympic gold medals they won before the World Cup existed. I think this is BS. Make it two stars, and this would be a better kit.

11. England (red away kit)

It bums me out that England was the only country at the World Cup with a kit made by Umbro. Umbro's overall products are smarter than any other major kit manufacturer. England went retro this year, with a perfectly designed, clean home kit. The red away shirt is even more striking, featuring great white cuffs on scarlet shirts. The famous Three Lions crest is ancient and meaningful, and should never be changed from how it looks here. I especially love how the single star (representing England's only World Cup title) is stitched in the same color as the shirt, making it more humble and subdued.

10. United States (blue away kit)

This one grew on me. When it was first revealed, I thought the diagonal striple looked dumb, and the much bolder blue away kit looked superior in every way. But the more I see this, the more I love it. The stripe is very subtle, and can't really be seen from far away on TV. It's a little reference to the kits the U.S. wore in the 1950 World Cup when a bunch of American amateurs defeated the highly-touted English squad. My only issue with the U.S. jerseys is the crest. It's "US" in big blocky letters, and a soccer ball. Couldn't we use the righteous "Don't Tread on Me" logo?

9. Portugal (white away kit)

Portugal has always had classy uniforms. Their badge is ancient and medieval-looking while still retaining simplicity, a key factor for crests. The big green stripe across the chest makes the whole shirt harken back to the Portuguese flag. I also really like that the white away strip isn't just a color palette swap of the home kit--it's a solid, classic jersey in its own right. Portugal takes advantage of Nike's minimalist design style better than any other team.

8. Mexico (black away kit)

As a U.S. soccer fan, I'm predisposed to dislike El Tri, but even I must admit their kit this year is stylin'. It's got Mexico's classic shade of green and its eagle crest, but the devil's in the details. The shirt features a creative feather pattern playing on the national symbol of the country. The black away jersey is a different beast entirely, and it integrates green, red, and white detailing in a smart way to create a distint-yet-relatable secondary strip.

7. South Africa (green away kit)

South Africa's Adidas strip is well-desgined for a lot of the same reasons as the Mexico kit. The country's signature gold color is accented with an intricate collar pattern. For hosting their first World Cup, South Africa clearly put a ton of effort into their uniforms. The green away jersey looks just as sharp, and features a watermark design own the chest and stomach in the shape of the South African flag.

6. Japan (white away kit)

I should dislike this jersey. It features the Japanese flag as well as the word "JAPAN" as well as the Japan Football Association badge. I should say it's too busy. But I love it. It looks very smart together, and the little red stripe in the middle of the chest is a nice touch. There's a feathery watermark all over the shirt that makes the Blue Samurais look much more detailed from up close, while still maintaining a solid image from afar. The fantastic JFA crest just completes the image.

5. Cameroon (yellow away kit)

Cameroon's kit is Puma's Ghana/Algeria dilemma done right. Not only is the yellow away kit (with red pinstripes) fantastic, but the green home kit is fantastic as well. The fact that it's worn with red shorts and yellow socks makes it look even greater. The Indomitable Lions, as they're known, feature not one but two lions on the shirt: one on the left breast and one as a Lion King-style watermark on the right shoulder. As a matter of fact, writing this post made me realize how much I really love this kit.

4. Argentina (blue away kit)

Argentina executes the concept of the striped shirt perfectly. Unlike Paraguay that has an ugly block on the back for numbering, Argentina makes the numbers legible while retaining the stripes, and looks sharper as a result. The crest is perfect, the shade of blue is perfect, this is nearly impeccable. It's interesting Argentina employs a dark blue away kit, as this makes them one of the only teams to feature home and away kits that primarily feature different shades of the same color.

3. Ivory Coast (green away kit)

Ivory Coast has all the great things I said about Cameroon's kit, but even more so. I love this shade of bright orange. Maybe this is how the Netherlands should have done their uniform? I don't think so, though. This is uniquely African. The green and white-hooped away kit is just as stunning, and the elephant imagery throughout is boisterous and fun, with an awesome pachyderm crest, and an elephant wailing on the watermarked right shoulder.

2. Spain (blue away kit)

It's no wonder Spain won the World Cup. They've got a great uniform. The dotted line collar. The magestic crest. The bright red. It's perfect. It's a good thing they don't use the Royal Spanish Football Federation logo, which sucks. The dark blue away kits are smart as well, but the all-dark secondary strip doesn't work too well. If they wore red shorts instead of blue with the blue shirts, the away kit would be just as intense as the home strip. It's sort of ironic, because Spain won the World Cup wearing these inferior blue shirts, and after they won, they switched to brand-new red shirts... with a star newly emblazoned above the badge.

1. Germany (black away kit)

I know it's simple and white, but Germany wears the perfect kit. An iconic gold eagle crest upon a thin reserved-yet-strong stripe down the left side of the shirt speaks more than a loud, out-there shirt ever could. The strategic use of black throughout the strip is intelligent and well-placed. The jet-black away kit is like an expensive German automobile, with fancy detailing on a sleek jet finish. This is an image that will last for decades to come. It's fitting Adidas, by far the smartest kit manufacturer in 2010, completes their coup with the company's home nation taking the top spot.