Austin's Fave Five Films of 2013

(yes it's a clip from a different movie, but I never pass up an opportunity to post the best song)

5. G.I. Joe: Retaliation

The future of entertainment with worldwide appeal that Tim talks about is fine and good, but sometimes an inclusive nature changes things for the worse.  That sometimes has a name, and its name is G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, the first live action G.I. Joe movie.  It was atrocious.  2013's sequel, G.I. Joe: Retaliation was not atrocious.  While that might not be the high praise you'd expect on a top 5 list, it is enough in my eyes.  I've been a fan of the real American Heroes for longer than any other fictional characters and the somewhat redemptive nature of the movie delighted me to no end.  There's a number of other highlights including impeccable casting of the Rock as Roadblock, distinct lack of Channing Tatum, and Snake Eyes getting to actually be a badass ninja that fights other ninja on the side of a mountain instead of a mute with molded lips.  The link between the Arashikage and Wu-Tang was further strengthened  with RZA's unexpected appearance as a blind ninja master.  I know it's just a passable movie, but it's a passable movie I liked dammit.

4. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

It's The Hobbit and it's a goddamn fun as hell adventure.  People that have a problem with the movie are probably saying two things: 1) "a bloo bloo bloo, they took liberties with the book" 2) "where's the rest of the story?"  "Stay patient, nerd" is the only appropriate response.  The changes and additions made to the story for the movie sake are fine and add to the story in an organic enough way.  Seriously though, it's an adventure story that feels like an exciting adventure.  Then again, my judgment could've been clouded by viewing the audiovisual dumbassery that is Rebuild of Evangelion 3 earlier that same day which made tH:DoS seem like the best movie ever if not for 3 specific reasons (hint: they're one, two, and three on my list).

3. Bad Grandpa

As a Jackass aficionado every new release by Johnny Knoxville and company I tend to meet with unbridled glee.  Bad Grandpa is no exception.  Forgoing the outrageous/dangerous physical stunts part of the equation this time Johnny Knoxville remains entirely in heavily prosthesis as an old troublesome man.  The strangest part of the movie comes with the introduction of an overriding narrative.  Crafting a narrative to link the gags is an odd choice made even more bizarre as the link between Knoxville's bad grandpa and his young grandson is touching in a way no one would have probably thought.  Perhaps it shouldn't come as a surprise considering Spike Jonze's talent and heavy involvement in the series.  That said the physical and candid camera gags are still the draw.  If you don't think an old man crapping his pants so bad that he inadvertently paints the walls of an eating establishment brown is funny then how do you even enjoy life?

2.Escape Plan

There is a certain audience for this movie about Arnold and Stallone escaping from an inescapable prison, and that audience is me.  Old action heroes, prison fights, sneaky plots, exploding barrels, twists, and TWISTS, Escape Plan has it all.  This clearly isn't for everyone, and it's only natural for some people to roll their eyes at it.  Too bad it's still the second best movie of the year.  I like what I like and I apologize for nothing.  

1. Pacific Rim

My fascination with mecha is well documented, so it shouldn't come as any surprise that Pacific Rim is my top pick for 2013.  There's not much left to say about it that Jake and I didn't already cover in our dialogue about it.  Tastes are subjective, but what's not subjective is how objectively awesome the action scenes where.  How rad was that Hong Kong battle?  Super rad, amirite?  Let me reiterate then, it's a giant robot movie that reminded me why I love giant robots, so I think it can stir some feelings in even the hardest of hearts.

Austin's Fave Five Games of 2013

5. XCOM: Enemy Within

Sure, this entry is "merely" an expansion to last year's best game, XCOM: Enemy Unknown, but it was still one of my most anticipated video game releases of the year.  Thankfully it lives up to my expectations. Enemy Within adds enough content to give even those that squeezed every last second of play time out of Vanilla XCOM reason enough to sink in another batch of hours.  Still asking why is Enemy Within is a worthy addition? Not only does it include new enemies, new missions, new maps, new items, and more story, but it allows you to soup up your squad with new abilities, the likes of which give them chameleon skin and the ability to jump large buildings in a single bound.  Most importantly though, Enemy Within allows you to cybernetically augment your soldiers to have power armor.  When you add mechs to one of my favorite games it gets even favoriteier.

4. The Typing of the Dead: Overkill

Proper typing form never struck me as particularly important to learn, and then came Typing of the Dead,  a revamp of House of the Dead 2 that replaced the light gun with a keyboard.  A brilliantly quirky idea that by all accounts should have been a one time deal.  An idea that was suddenly and surprisingly given new life this year when Typing of the Dead: Overkill was released out of nowhere.  There was no announcement of the game's release.  No hype.  No fanfare.  Just all of a sudden the game is available for purchase, and purchase I did.  The difference between TotD:Overkill and the original TotD is the game the typing is placed over.  The original was a game full of hilarious bad voice acting, but Overkill is full of self-deprecating humor.  Other than that it's more or less the same thing, which is OK in my book.  Even if you're tired of zombie game,s pick up Typing of the Dead: Overkill and remember what makes them so fun to kill (hint: it's typing dirty words to shoot them in the head).  Look for it on your favorite digital distribution platform.

3. Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

While I might never have gotten around to playing Far Cry 3 due to lack of time, its standalone expansion Blood Dragon was a game I made sure to make time for.  You get to play as a laser gun wielding badass cyborg soldier who is trying to save America and get revenge for his dead friend by going after a dude who is part robot, part Bennet from Commando, and part Brando from Apocalypse Now.  The game's concept was enough to enthrall me since badical action movies are in many ways the pinnacle of cinema.  A self aware sense of humor keeps everything in check by making fun of and embracing the well trod cliches of videogames and action movies.  Basically Blood Dragon is Spec Ops: The Line if it had good gameplay and was fun. [I HEARD THAT - Jake]

2. Salty Bet

Is it even a game?  Sure, why not.  For those not in the know, Salty Bet is a stream where two AI players use randomly selected characters in the M.U.G.E.N. engine while the human players bet virtual money on which character they think will win (check it out here).  This means the player actually watches a contest between two computers, and perhaps that makes it the ultimate anti-game and puts critically acclaimed looking simulators like Gone Home to shame [I HEARD THAT - Jake].  Salty Bet is a bizarre experience where matches are simultaneously hilarious in their absurdity and absolutely terrifying as you watch all of your salty bucks disappear in a flash.  It's a phenomenon like no other as the range of characters is seemingly limited only by the imagination (or lack thereof) of the online community as it takes advantage of nearly every character created for M.U.G.E.N., so you wind up with ripped character models from other games to crude MS Paint drawings.

The matches vary just as much as fights could be. Seemingly real balanced fights take place, absolute one-sided annihilation as someone's ridiculous (some might even say Mexican [Mexican in Salty lingo means unbalanced and overpowered]) pet creation commits war crimes on helpless victims, and then there is the dreaded "potato fight" where two computers that are a bit touched in the head have a fight about as awkward as I am in social settings.  Jake once asked if it was "anime wrestling" to which I responded it is "fictional character Thunderdome" with an added betting element.  Funny fights are punctuated by the bettors' contradictory rules in regards to betting (always bet Dragon Ball Z vs. never bet Dragon Ball Z).  My personal rule of thumb when it comes to betting is just bet for your favorite character.  Will dreams.exe finish installing or will you find yourself back in the salt mines?

1. Dynasty Warriors 8

I'm going to take a bold stance that'll probably invalidate my opinions to the public at large and say I unequivocally love Dynasty Warriors.  Virtually murdering hundreds of dudes in the span of a couple minutes with flashy combo attacks relieves stress like nothing else, and that's what Dynasty Warriors 8 does with unmatched excellence. Everything I like about the series is present in this release, but there are some welcomed new features as well.  The biggest addition is rock-paper-scissor type of system that reduces the tedium involved when fighting enemies that don't stop blocking.  Those that never understood the appeal of the franchise won't change their minds due to DWar8, however their stances might soften a bit as gameplay tweaks add some needed freshness to the series.  Games that change the way we think about videogames are great, but sometimes I just need a simple game that knows exactly what it is.  Dynasty Warriors 8 is my favorite game of the year because I can revel in the the escapist fun provided by 80+ unique characters fighting hordes of nameless enemies for hundreds of hours.

2013 music year in review, by Luke

2013 wasn’t exactly the best year to have occurred in music history, especially that of the guitar driven genre. As you can imagine, this made it hard to create a list worth publishing at the end of a year that witnessed what seemed like a drought in new music. I admit the albums released by my favourite bands this year were, for the most part, brilliant; but some of these albums were still lacklustre in comparison to previous works. These were my favourite bands though, and I do have a bias towards them. The bands on this list are cracking.

Young Aviators - Self Help

Jangly, fuzzy, and socialist. 

Young Aviators, hailing from Glasgow (originally Northern Ireland), are the only band apart from Elbow that has managed to excite me in years. Their debut album, Self Help, is a running social and political commentary on the modern, materialistic throwaway culture in which we live in. They are one of the very few bands actually voicing their problems with the issues of Britain and the Capitalist West. As part of the doomed generation, they are asking “where's the next job coming from? Where are our pensions going to come from? And why are we going to be left with the debt accumulated by the last bunch off toffs? Young Aviators are musically catchy, and lyrically witty, they are trying their hardest to keep us indoors and safe, away from the cruel, dark world.

Johnny Marr - The Messenger

Keeping true to himself, Johnny Fucking Marr is still as indie as ever.

Considering Johnny Marr’s original band the Smiths pretty much invented “indie,” it would be hard for this Godlike Genius to create anything less than superb. Ever since Marr’s departure from the Smiths he's kept a pretty low profile… sort of. For the last twenty odd years, Marr has popped up in several different bands, helped them out, and then moved on. However, Marr had never written an album of his own until this past year. Released in February, Johnny Marr’s solo debut The Messenger was nothing short of perfect. Filled with his signature jangling guitar that emulates about four different guitars playing at the same time, and lyrics that batter and bruise both the soul and Tory government, Marr has created an album that is stereotypically British in sound and word. The lyrics on this album are pure romantic poetry, and he doesn’t shy away from it either, opening up his whole soul for the taking. The Messenger has proven to all those unbelievers (Moza die hards) that Marr is equally as talented, if not more, than his old music partner Morrisey; He knows how to write true Northerner’s doomy gloomy poetry. All in all The Messenger delivers a good 45 minutes of sweet guitar driven music, accompanied by a perfect balance of anti-toff and personal lyrics that awaken the dreaming, romantic, socialist in you.

Foals - Holy Fire

Holy Fire, Foals went big.

Foals decided to loosen up the reigns on this album, and just let the producers go for it. The final product was a grandiose, grooving cacophony of pure melancholic gold. Angry, sad, yet hopeful, Foals’ new release was definitely the spring soundtrack to my new romance, and oh man, the in-jokes that spurred from it were by far the best i’ve ever created with anyone… And the dancing so much dancing. Foals, however, did let themselves slip slightly on the final few tracks, "Stepson" and "Moon." The tracks should be great, but there is something missing from them. I can’t figure out what it is. Luckily for them, they created some of their best work as well: "Bad Habit" and "My Number." The latter is the poppiest thing you’ll ever hear me listen to… and dance to. That bass. Foals' third album was good, and brought me much aural pleasure, but that missing link, whatever it may be, only harmed the album’s overall sound.  

Franz Ferdinand - Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action

Arty as art loving Artrockers can possibly make their art.

Finally! I was only waiting four bloody years for this gem. Franz Ferdinand, after a four year break and a tricky third album (Tonight), finally landed this perfectly orchestrated piece of art right onto the album shelves of every record shop in the UK. Hell’s Horses, it couldn’t have come at a better time. During the hottest summer on record for the UK, the sweltering people of these small islands needed something to mark the occasion, we couldn’t just settle for Andy Murray winning Wimbledon, no, we needed something else to celebrate winning the tennis in the hottest sumer on record. The answer was a full blown guitar attack by Scotland’s finest, Franz Ferdinand. The album was simply a combination of Franz’s first two albums, the tracks just as hooky, and just as rough. That was the problem though, if I have to pick. The band didn’t do anything different, after the terrible third album they went back and did what they did best, which is grand, but it left me feeling slightly annoyed that these four talented blokes couldn’t come up with anything more adventurous. Oh well, It was still a fun, feel good album that definitely made me want to get up and dance around the flat with my girlfriend, but it was too hot. Instead we just listened, and enjoyed the sweet riffs.

Biffy Clyro - Opposites

‘Mon the Biff!

I have to say, this album had to grow on me, and thanks to my girlfriend I gave it a chance instead of writing it off just because the lead single was not Biffy’s best. As an album, Opposites is one of Biffy’s strongest, grand in sound, full of power ballads, and alternative enough to keep the music snobs like me happy; they go into weird time signatures. The standout track from the album, "The Thaw," is a perfect guitar driven ballad. Its lyrics, both romantic and hopefuI, tell a story of mutual discovery; two people dig deeper and find the true surface to one another, where they then fall deeper in love, and grow closer together. It is heart melting, and like a true sop, I fell in love with this song. Opposites is a great album, it’s big and energetic, but also passionate and raw, and once you’re finished listening to it you have the feeling that you can conquer anything.

Jake's five favorite albums of 2013

5. Partycrasher - A Wilhelm Scream

This album is comfort food for me. A Wilhelm Scream is a melodic hardcore band I've been listening to since high school, and Partycrasher is their first album in six years. A bit slower than previous records, as many artists do by the time they've reached their sixth full-length album. But it's still got all the rockin' guitar and fun singalong vocals you want from A Wilhelm Scream. Partycrasher is melodic hardcore with enough emphasis on the "hardcore" that it has an edge, but "melodic" enough that it's accessible to people who aren't big fans of hardcore punk. The best of both worlds!

4. Yeezus - Kanye West

Everyone loves to hate Kanye West. I can't say it's totally unwarranted. But at the end of the day, he makes some groundbreaking music. While his much more widely respected counterpart Jay-Z released the most flaccid, predictable album you'd expect from a successful middle-aged rapper this year with Magna Carta Holy Grail (Brought to You By Samsung), Kanye came out with a fast, angry ten-track CD that didn't even have album art. It's awesome.

It may not reach the ambitious heights of its predecessor My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, but Yeezus isn't trying to be its predecessor. In fact, it's Twisted Fantasy's antithesis. Even if it's not your favorite Kanye album, you have to respect him for constantly trying new things.

3. Wishbone - Oh Land

Inventive indie pop from Denmark. Oh Land's music probably has the broadest appeal of anything on this list, but she still maintains a creative edge. And of course, Oh Land incorporates Scandinavian design into her approach to music. Makes me nostalgic for my time living in Copenhagen.

Wishbone provides all the hooks of mainstream pop music, with the singer-songwriter independence of alternative music and a female-empowerment message.

2. The Electric Lady - Janelle Monáe

Janelle Monáe is blowing up right now, at least here in her hometown Kansas City. Her Sun Ra/George Clinton/Octavia Butler-inspired Afrofuturist brand of R&B/soul is a breath of fresh air in pop music. She keeps the Metropolis-esque Electric Lady motif through all her music and videos, along with her iconic pompadour and tuxedo. The Electric Lady is Monáe's most ambitious album to date.

1. Wolf - Tyler, the Creator

I feel old. For the first time in my life, my favorite album of the year was made by someone younger than me. Tyler, the Creator is 22 and it shows. A lot of his work is immature and stupid. But with his newest album, I couldn't stop paying attention. Tyler is vulgar 100% of the time and he seems to say a lot of things just for shock value. But it's performance art. And beneath all that, there's a biting honesty. He's clearly got a vision for everything he does, mixing violent imagery with a boyhood wonder. Wolf is by far his most mature album. And if he's making records like this at 22, I can't wait to see what he makes a decade from now.

Tyler reminds me of Kanye in that he always says what he wants to say, warts and all. And much like Kanye, he always uses strange non-traditional samples and beats for his songs. Tyler's not as refined as Kanye, but he's much more edgy and weird. Not held down by trying to maintain radio popularity. And he's got that gravelly deep voice. Wolf is the best album of 2013.

Jake's five favorite comics of 2013

5. Prophet

Brandon Graham's Prophet is impenetrable at first. A reboot of a subpar '90s sci-fi series by Testosteronest Artist Ever Rob Liefeld, it's really hard to say what the story is even about. But Graham's take on the series is so surreal and ambitious that it takes you along for the ride even if you're not quite sure what's going on.

There's very little dialogue, since most of the story involves a guy walking around alien planets alone. The art, drawn by a revolving team of all-star pencillers including Graham himself, provides a grimy, melancholic vision of space.

4. Daredevil

Mark Waid and Chris Samnee's run on Daredevil continues to be by far the best traditional superhero comic in production today. I was worried when Paolo Rivera stopped drawing the series, but Chris Samnee continues Rivera's bright, '70s-style approach to the art. It really pops among a superhero comic book landscape covered in grim 3D-ish "realism."

Waid's writing hits a perfect balance of not taking itself too seriously while still presenting a real superhero storyline. For any casual readers who want a gateway into the superhero comix landscape, Waid and Samnee's Daredevil is the perfect entry point.

3. Saga

Daredevil may be a good entry point for superhero comics, but for comics in general, Saga will appeal to just about anyone. It's a humorous, romantic space opera about parenting, but don't let that dissuade you. Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples are crafting a story so thoroughly enjoyable that it's hard to believe the rights to a TV show or movie adaptation haven't been sold yet.

Admirably, Vaughan and Staples are adamant that Saga is meant to be a comic book above all, and it will remain that way. If you want to get into comics and you think you're too high-minded for superheroes, try Saga... Volume 1 is only $7.99 on Amazon.

2. Hawkeye

Matt Fraction took the Avenger No One Cares About and turned it into the single best publication by either Marvel or DC Comics today. Hawkeye is a deconstruction of the superhero genre, a superhero series without the superhero. Hawkeye (or Hawkguy, as most prefer) doesn't have superpowers or wealth. He's just a guy.

The series feels like an indie comic that just happens to be published by a mainstream publisher. Artist David Aja employs a distinctive minimalist, stencil-style approach to much of the artwork. Oh, and there's the issue that's entirely from a dog's perspective.

But my comic book of the year has to be...

1. The Manhattan Projects

"Weird science" alternate history where the Manhattan Project used the development of the atomic bomb during World War II as a front for much stranger research? Alcoholic Einstein as a protagonist? Evil Freemason Harry Truman and FDR turned into an AI program? Sign me up. Writer Jonathan Hickman has his fingers in every pie these days, but The Manhattan Projects is unquestionably his crowning achievement. Hilarious, violent, and exceedingly weird.

Artist Nick Pitarra's creepy Where's Waldo-meets-Rugrats artwork features shaky lines and strangely proportioned humans... in a good way. And I don't think I ever fully appreciated colorists in comics until I came across Jordie Bellaire's work in Manhattan Projects. Turns out she's the colorist for about half of my favorite comics. It was a tough decision, but The Manhattan Projects is the best comic book series of 2013.

Jake's five favorite films of 2013

UPDATE 12/31: I probably should've put the documentary Blackfish on here. You should definitely watch it. It's currently streaming on Netflix.

5. Gravity

Most space films are about saving the galaxy, stopping xenocide, all sorts of epic sagas. Gravity manages to be a very intimate, small space movie. There's really only one main character and one supporting character, and that's it. No huge musical score either. I'm not a Sandra Bullock fan, but she does a great job here, reminding me of James Franco's "solitary character trying to save themselves for the entire film" performance in 127 Hours. Breathtaking cinematography and a strong female protagonist (something movies in general and sci-fi in particular can use more of) make Gravity one of my favorite films of 2013. A lot of sci-fi geeks preferred Europa Report this year, but Gravity is less ambitious in scale and more tightly written and heartfelt.

4. The World's End

Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost's Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz are two of my favorite comedies of all time, and they complete the spiritual trilogy with The World's End. It doesn't quite stand toe-to-toe with them, but that might only be because I haven't watched it dozens of times yet like I've watched the other two. The film starts off slow as a story about old friends getting back together, but it quickly escalates into the trio's signature insanity. A commentary on suburbia and pub culture... with evil robots. This movie was in production for years, but seemed to get overlooked because of the similarly-titled and similarly-premised comedy This Is the End hitting theaters a month earlier. Hopefully The World's End stands the test of time and lives on as a cult classic like its predecessors.

3. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Everyone seemed to hate this movie. It was everything I wanted the followup to the first Hobbit film to be. While An Unexpected Journey had to spend tons of time introducing all the characters and storylines, The Desolation of Smaug gets to skip most of the exposition and head right into the story. If you want something deep and meaningful, go watch The Lord of the Rings. This movie is just pure movie fun. The barrel escape scene, my favorite scene from the book, is one of the best comedic action sequences I've seen in a mainstream film in years.

It's awkward to make The Hobbit AFTER making the chronologically-later and larger-in-scale Lord of the Rings, but Peter Jackson makes it work to the film's advantage here. When Bilbo loses his Ring and has to take it from a baby spider, he does so with the uncharacteristic fiendishness of a drug addict--some great foreshadowing of things to come with the Ring. And of course, Benedict Cumberbatch's performance as the dragon Smaug is a thing of beauty, somehow making a talking dragon not sound super cheesy.

2. I'm So Excited

Pedro Almodóvar wanted something a bit more lighthearted after working on The Skin I Live In in 2011. I'm So Excited (Los amantes pasajeros in Spanish) is a gay comedy about a doomed flight full of quirky passengers. The vast majority of the film takes place on the plane itself, with the eccentric flight attendants trying to figure out how to calm the passengers when they know their plane is going to crash. This is the kind of comedy American studios never make anymore, with the trademark Almodóvar flair and some nifty cameos by Almodóvar veterans Penélope Cruz and Antonio Banderas.

1. Escape from Tomorrow

This movie is not for everyone. The acting is inconsistent, the plot doesn't quite make sense, and it's all in black and white. But Escape from Tomorrow is my favorite film of the year by a landslide. It was filmed entirely on location at Disney World and Disneyland without permission. The film's official website has a clock counting the amount of time it's been released without getting sued by Disney.

How does this movie even exist?! Escape from Tomorrow was filmed undercover with the actors and crew pretending to be regular Disney World tourists taking pictures and video of their family vacation. The director flew all the way to South Korea to edit the movie in secret, and now that it's been released, Disney isn't suing because they know it would only give Escape from Tomorrow more publicity. It's a surrealist commentary on consumerism and the Male Gaze with trippy visuals and creative camera work. Even if it's not the most expertly crafted film, Escape from Tomorrow is the most daring, adventurous movie of 2013, and you need to see it. It's currently available for streaming on iTunes and Amazon Video.