It’s a late British Summers day. I am in Carrickfergus, just northeast of Belfast. The morning sun is glaring through the windows of my girlfriend’s family home, and I am in the kitchen preparing a cup of tea for her. As I stand here looking out over the lush green garden, keeping an eye out for Freddy the Frog, the kettle clicks off. The sound whisks me away from my daydream and I turn to prepare the teapot. As I fill the aluminum pot with a splash of boiling water, it hit me. Tea, as the Brits know it, isn’t just a drink. It is a staple of our culture. Tea is a way of life.
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| The perfect cuppa. Look at that colour! |
Tea Time
Tea... Tea, tea, tea. It is quite simply the best drink on the planet. When Brits say tea, they don’t mean herbal tea, for when we want herbal tea we will ask for “herbal tea, please.” No, when any member of the British public asks for a “cup of tea,” a “cuppa”, a “brew,” or just simply “tea,” they mean, “Give me a cup of black tea, with some milk, and possibly a few sugars.” You see, it’s the perfect recipe, the perfect combination of flavours and textures, and it just makes any situation better. The reason why it works so well, why it is so popular is due to the easy adaption of the recipe. Why? You can make a good cup of tea with any balance of the three main ingredients. However you look at it, at the end of the day, you can’t make a bad cup of tea.
The cuppa can take many different forms, all depending on the balance and blend of ingredients poured into your cup, and they all have a name, too.
Builders Brew or Spider’s Piss?
I’ll start with the weakest cup of tea, Spider’s Piss. This kind of cuppa is simply the first lot of tea poured from the pot. As it is poured first, the strength of the tea is weak because it hasn’t lingered near the tea bags and hasn’t had time to begin stewing. Due to the weakness of the tea, Spider’s Piss is very light and has no colour to it, so when you add the milk there is a more milky texture and taste to the tea. Do you want tea with that much milk?
Next you have the standard Cup of Tea. This form of cuppa is the perfect blend of well brewed tea and just enough milk to give it that creamy texture, but not enough to impose on the taste of the tea. It is the most popular form of tea and people generally take it without sugar, but I know a few who take one sugar... well, now and again they do.
Finally you have Builder’s Brew. This is my favourite. Builder’s Brew is simply the bottom of the pot, the strongest of the strong, the dregs, and you take it with nothing but a splash of milk and lots of sugar; in my case, two. This form of cuppa gets its name from all the tradesmen and workmen of the UK, in honour of all the long lasting roadworks they provide us with.
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| Yorkshire tea, my favourite |
Slurp it
There is a ritual that surrounds tea preparation. It is the solution to most of life’s problems, and every British family takes part in it. We prepare it like no other nation. We drink it, slurp it, sip it like no other culture. Most importantly, it brings people together like no other drink can. In the British household, making tea isn’t just putting a tea bag into a cup, pouring boiling water over it, and then just adding milk, no, no, no, no, no. Making a cup of tea is much more than that. It all starts with the call up.
“Who’s for a cuppa?”
The tea process begins with the all too familiar call of “Who’s for a cuppa?” At this point every member of your family, and any guest in your house at that time, will immediately stop what they’re doing, look up with intrigue, and... well, say “Yes please.” If someone says “No,” you simply ask them over and over again until the pressure is too much, they crack, and say “Yes please.”
